I’ve been doing this since I was about 18 or 19. That’s really weird to think about! So far “all of my adult life,” as they say, has been Judaism-themed. Or, at the beginning, philosophy-themed and philosophy of religion-themed. It’s very strange! I wonder if other people’s lives have themes. Probably not. I mean, if you got really into your major your life could become themed. I was really into theater for a while and I guess that kinda became a theme. I just assume that people pick majors that they don’t care about that much (English is a popular default), and that’s it.
I’m just more into Judaism, academically speaking at least. That has been exponentially exploding into an all-consuming hobby. Jewish sociology. I asked for Becoming Frum: How Newcomers Learn the Language and Culture of Orthodox Judaism for my birthday, and The Men’s Section: Orthodox Jewish Men in an Egalitarian World and Orthodox by Design: Judaism, Print Politics, and the ArtScroll Revolution for xmas. (Last xmas I asked for some halacha book I’d found on feldheim or something.) It feels quite strange to still be reading so much about it when I’m all otd now. The BORDERLANDS! It’s like cultural appropriation now.
It’s kind of stressful because I am still a Jewish Studies major. Well ok, it was still weird even then. Especially when jews would ask me: “So, what’s your major?” “I’M STUDYING YOU PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Just awk.
So I’m on rumspringa. I mean i know I haven’t made a completely clean break, as evidenced by the fact that I’m reading Orthodox by Design right now. But no one’s really mentioned it as much as I thought would happen. Of course, there was my friend’s “So you’re not Jewish anymore?” which couldn’t have been worded more terribly but whatever. I guess if people see you wearing pants they pretty much assume and don’t have to ask questions.
I’m feeling the pressure both to go back as it were (because of my jewish studies degree like what else am I gonna do), and to never do that again (which is both external and internal, mostly internal because I don’t know how I got to the way I was and I don’t know how I’d go back to the way I was…also, not being FFB is a huge strike against your future happiness and integration, at least in new york).
I always kept saying I “didn’t like institutions,” but I have to admit that without certain institutions (drisha, hadar, and i’m just assuming NHC and perhaps pardes among others) I wouldn’t really have much reason to try anymore. And maybe that would have been a good thing.
Might as well keep plowing on and stop over thinking it..
So I’m on rumspringa. I mean i know I haven’t made a completely clean break, as evidenced by the fact that I’m reading Orthodox by Design right now.
I’ve got the same book on my bookshelf, between Kaplan’s Judaism as Civilization and a translation of Y.Y. Schneersohn’s memoirs. On the shelf above it is Martin Buber’s Tales of Rabbi Nachman, David Assaf’s Untold Tales of the Hasidism, and the Jew in the Lotus. Below it is my Koren Talmud Berachot, my eight different editions of Chumash, my entirely-transliterated siddur Eit Ratzon, and the first two copies of The Pritzker Zohar. For Hanukkah I received Elie Wiesel’s Four Hasidic Masters, a new book on Jakob Frank, and a new copy of Hereville.
Your books can say a lot about you. In both of our cases I’d say they show that we’ve got eclectic interests which skew heavily towards Jewish stuff. In the same way that my bookshelf would be quite boring if all I had was Artscroll’s catalogue, you shouldn’t worry that you somehow aren’t allowed or aren’t qualified to read or study or otherwise engage with Judaism, Jewish thought, Jewish culture, etc. if you aren’t Orthodox. There are many parts of the Jewish world– including academia– that can and do value you.
Please don’t let the fact that you choose not to engage in Orthodox practice invalidate your Jewish identity (however defined), or your academic interests.
Thxxx!
And I’ve heard of Hereville; it sounds like a pretty neat book!
I think you’d like it; the main character reminds me a lot of you.