To do: Write a “halacha mom never told you” book…it would have stuff like when is shomer negiah really required and women actors and musicians and possibly an appendix detailing material culture of another era.
Complaint: People who went to camp. And worse, putting TWO OR MORE camp people together. They won’t stop.
Complaint: The neighbor’s screaming children all the time. Large yeshivish families=best birth control. I don’t get children, as you know.
Observation: People think “gay” means “politically active” and “goes to the Pride Parade” and “cares deeply about marriage equality.” It’s not exactly that…um, sanitized. I don’t care about politics or Having Pride (?) at all. And there’s definitely pressure to be pro-polyamory and pro-queer and anti-gender, but I don’t give a crap about any of the new labels and whatever they’re inventing lately. (“Biromantic agender femmesexual“? Really? You didn’t make that up? Note: Yes, you *can* choose to be a non-human species on this chart.)
Complaint: My roommate just told me again not to put my non-kosher food on her plates…
…I don’t buy non-kosher food. Fucking tits
Anyways, I hope my death stare when she said that scared her a bit cause this is getting out of control. I swear, if she tells me to mop the kitchen again…
And she invites her brother over at least once a week, and she always tells me, “Oh, I have a guy over!” That’s code for “put some clothes on.” I HAVE A RIGHT TO WALK AROUND NAKED
It’s annoying that I have to completely get re-dressed in my tznius clothes every time some guy is over, who I did not invite and I don’t actually care if he sees me wearing pajamas, like why do I have to get all dressed up for my roommate’s brother? This is why I stay in my room, everyone, this is why I stay in my room.
Complaint: I am currently choking down the gruel from the trough cause I’ve decided to fast last second and I did this last year and I remember last year five minutes beforehand thinking, “I’m gonna do it” and drinking one cup of water as preparation. I kind of hate eating. Especially lately, when I get up at 2:00 PM and have two donuts and a coffee and that keeps me going until about 9:00 PM. It’s 4:20 right now and I’m eating a sandwich. This is simply not normal.
Complaint: I learned last night at that Aish lecture that fasting induces labor, which in turn made me learn that ladies who are ABOUT TO HAVE A BABY still fast. I know that the actual act of having a baby “puts your life in danger,” and you can violate the sabbath for it, but I am so not down with making a 9-months pregnant lady fast. Honestly, I’m not down with making any sort of pregnant lady fast.
Question: I have a second degree atrioventricular block, I DON’T KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS, but it sure sounds like a heart condition, and where’s my heter??
Admission: Even after going to that Aish lecture, I don’t know what the hhd’s are all about. I told a girl afterward that it sounded a lot like santa claus and she seemed a little shocked. So I’ve hijacked yom kippur for my own purposes. I still am really having trouble thinking of it as a day of repentance and judgment (or is that rosh hashana?) Like, what am I repenting for? I’m not about to vow to stop saying ‘fucking tits.’ But I did hear someone say that the veil is lifted during this time and God is supposedly more accessible than usual, and you know what that means. I’m taking advantage. The judgment’s gonna be sealed, man. I know what I want sealed in my judgment.
LOL @ people who actually pray for, like, self-improvement.